Are you trying to tell me Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?
Was making a coffee in the kitchen at work just now, and for some reason the following sentence popped into my head:
You put snot on the ball?
Stopped me dead in my tracks, that did. What relevance does that have to anything? After a moment’s pause, it occurred to me that it was a quote from the 1989 baseball comedy Major League, starring Charlie Sheen, a very non-buff Wesley Snipes, Rene Russo, and Dennis Haysbert back when he was still doing TV bit parts and probably never envisaged playing the President of the USA in 24.
So as I completed my coffee construction ritual my mind wandered to see what other Major League quotes it could come up with. I used to fricken’ love that film as a kid. Couldn’t have seen it more than 180 times though. Here’s what I came up with:
- Hats… for bats… keep bats warm…
- Want me to take him outside, beat the shit outta him?
- Tyreworld, Lou Brown speaking…
- I feel like a banker in this!
- The local press seems to think that we’d save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I’m for wasting sportswriters’ time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give ’em all a nice big shitburger to eat!
- We should’ve ordered a live chicken…
- Up your butt, Jobu.
- By the way, saw your wife last night, hell of a dancer, you must be very, very proud. I mean that guy she was with, I’m sure he’s a close personal friend and all. But tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head.
- You can’t say “goddamn” on the air!
- What the hell league you been playing in? / California Penal…
- Taylor calls his shot!
- Shit, I been cut already?
That’s all I could think of – it doesn’t take long to get a brew through with the Aeropress. Plus I like to get it over & done with as quick as possible, because people keep thinking it’s a cock pump.
If you can think of another good one feel free to add it to the comments…